The SELAP Diet

The year 2000 was an eventful year.  First there was the whole Y2K thing, I mean who didn't enjoy that? Then there was Bush vs. Gore, that was fun. 2000 was also the year that I reached my peak of being a fat guy. It was a time of Sizzler buffets and midnight runs to Jack in the Box. I was actually pretty fine with this. I had pretty much come to the conclusion that being a fat guy was just who I was and I wasn't feeling any motivation to change destiny.

That summer I was playing floor hockey with a group of guys who were all at least a decade younger than I was. Being an older fat guy I was starting to get tired running around  (as old fat guys are apt to do) so I decided  to take a turn playing goalie. This turned out to be a fateful decision.

At one point I tried to pivot my foot in order to block a shot with my leg. My heel remained affixed to the floor. I can remember looking down to see my knee doing an imitation of Linda Blair's head in the Exorcist. For a split second my rational mind remained in tact and I thought to myself, "This isn't good' right as I collapsed to the floor. I wish I could say that I gritted my teeth and stoically fought through the pain but I think my actual  response was a tad more dramatic and a mite girlish (hey it hurt). So the evening ended up with a trip to the ER and a large splint.

A couple of days later I was at a follow up visit with my doctor. While going over the extent and the possible causes of my injury he said,"You need to think of your knees as a bridge that's designed for a pickup . Right now you're driving a semi". In other words, lose weight or risk losing an ambulatory middle age.

I wish I could say that I immediately started a strict regimen of healthy eating and exercise but that would be lying. The fact is it took a few months and working my way through various excuses before I finally made the determination to turn this semi into a sleek, souped up pickup. Thus, with the start of 2001 came my invention of the Stop Eating Like a Pig (SELAP) diet.

 I came to the conclusion that the reason I weighed a lot more than I wanted to was because I was eating way too much food. Instead of approaching food as fuel I saw it as a friend and comforter. I also tended to act as if each meal might be my last ever, so I better stuff as much down as I could just in case. Figuring this out helped me develop a plan to reverse this way of thinking.
Here is how it works:

1. Set a hard ceiling for how many calories I will eat in a day and keep close track of everything I eat so as to not pass that number.
2. Avoid wasted calories. If I am going to eat something, I need to make sure it is actually going to be providing some measurable nutritional value (ie. protein,fiber,vitamins etc...).
3. Drink lots of water as an appetite suppressant and don't drink calories. (The exceptions to this would be for instance drinking a real fruit smoothie or protein shake as a meal.)
4.  Exercise regularly. (I actually believe calorie reduction is the key to the weight loss but I think the discipline of the exercise makes me take the food intake part more seriously)

That's basically it. Using that method I lost about 75 that year and was able to keep that weight off for several years. The fact that I relapsed was due to getting lazy and complacent.

 Last Monday I went to the gym and weighed myself. I came in at 249 lbs.. I plan to do a weigh in each Monday and will record the  results here. I'll be honest, I am not looking forward to this process and I'm pissed off that I put myself in the position of having to go through it again. But, you can't change the past and so now I look to the future. One where taking my shirt off at the beach in Hawaii won't result in people mistaking me for a manatee.